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Monday, 20 April 2009

OK?

Today was the first day for the third semester examination. I didn't know why I was so anxious this morning even though I had revised the subject for three times! Anthony told me that he had this kind of anxiety as well!

When we arrived at college, we found that Princess was buying bus ticket in Bursary Office. Today, she wore red colour shirt which was same with me, we wore couple wear again! After seeing her, my anxiety was reduced a little bit. What a surprise!

When the examination started, I still felt nervous, I was nervous even after half an hour the examination started! However, what was surprising me the most was I managed to finish my paper within one hour! This was my fastest record after having 13 papers in TARc.

As usual, I looked back to search my Princess after I had handed in my paper. I pretended to chat with my friend--Kok Soo, actually I was busy searching my Princess's seat! Eventually, I found her! However, I couldn't see her smiling face, she was dull and appeared to be no mood! Normally, she would chat with her friends and smile even though the paper was difficult but these didn't happen today.

What happened to you, Princess? I am worried! Please bear in mind, I always be there to assist you! Are you sick? Worried about your result? Or others...

Friday, 10 April 2009

“安静了”

今天下午,我去陪公公聊天。一如既往的,公公总是会在最后时刻问我关于Princess的问题,好像“Princess还有打电话给我吗?”,“我们之间怎样了?”。。。。。。

虽然我已经向他解释了很多次,我跟Princess只是朋友而已,但他总是会一而再,再而三地问我类似的问题。哈哈,公公,我知道你关心我啦!谢啦。原本以为我已经放下了,因为我打从上个星期开始便渐渐放下了,心里开始不这么对Princess牵肠挂肚(偶尔还是会)。我整整用了两个月来放下,不过一切也都是短暂的!因为公公问起我Princess时,我的心里又再度“酸”了一下!很显然,我不完全地放下!

回到家,看《超级乐坛全接触》,我听见一首来自SHE的“安静了”。我听着,哼着,看着歌词,顿时发觉这首歌挺有意思的。部分的歌词甚至跟我现时的心情与处境一样,可以说像是为我特别写的!

自从上个星期四过后,我就再也见不到Princess(有一次是在星期二的study room,可是不是正面的),甚至没有跟她聊天过!唉,这些日子里,我很没有心情,也很落寞!严格来说,应该是没有Princess的日子里,我异常地寂寞!

Thursday, 9 April 2009

目无尊长

今天是我第一次教补习,原本以为挺轻松的嘛,怎知,却反被一群中一的小鬼给修理了一顿!

一进课室,学生们简直就当我透明!继续他们的话儿!岂有此理!我忽然用Marker Pen在桌子上敲了两下!他们才吓一跳,安静下来!可是,好景不常,正当我要上课时,他们又吵了!气死我!

其实,他们这么吵,我可以ignore他们的,可是又过不了自己良心这一关!真是矛盾!我开始破口大骂他们,尤其是男生!我问他们来这里的目的是什么?他们是得给钱的呀!现在经济不景气,知道钱难赚吗?他们一一地把话给顶回来!Kanasai!什么态度?不会尊师重道吗?还是看我年轻,欺负我?亦或者,以为我不会教?开玩笑,我虽然对geography不感兴趣,也不至于不会教吧!况且,我的geography可是拿A的呢!如果我把我的SPM成绩告诉你们,肯定会吓你们一大跳!不过,我没有这么做,因为有麝自然香,何必当风立。

我自认已经尽了我最大的努力去教他们,可是为什么他们还是不明白呢?我也已经很长气地重复又重复,可是他们还是不明白!是我的表达能力有问题吗?我有问他们哪里不明白,好让他们给我feedback,这样方算是effective communication,同时也可以对症下药!不过,我却收到一句极之难顶的话--“我有问题,但我下个星期才问”!

Okay,我不介意你这么讲!不过,你这样做只会让我觉得很自卑!我好像是白拿薪水似的!我也觉得我好像是耽误你们的时间!失败,真失败!这是我人生中最大的失败!他们根本就没有专心听,当我无道!难道年纪轻轻,就没有资格当你们的老师吗?况且,我只是义务代课而已呀!

除掉这些反面的因素,其实也有正面的讯息的。就好像坐在前两排的女生就很专注!我很欣赏。虽然她们的天资不够,但她们胜在她们肯读,肯用功!我记得在教Pola Saliran时,还被他们批我的图画难看!哈哈,这个我承认!毕竟我的Seni是拿C的呀!画图是我最不拿手的科目了!

下课后,我的“岳母”打电话来问我教到怎样?我就一五一十地把我吐血的经过告诉她。她说是这样的啦,现在的同学总是喜欢爬上头来的!若他们是我的孩子,这只会是“太岁头上动土”,我会好好地教训他们,很庆幸的,他们不是,我只好ignore他们,尽完自己的本分就好了!但是,我觉得很惭愧!我好像是辜负了“岳母”的期望,也白拿了薪水,浪费了学生的光阴!

不过,这是一个很好的经验,也令我体会到以前老师们的痛楚。但是,我要在这边郑重声明,我的年代的学生并没有现在的这般吐血!我从这个失败中得到的教训还有一把破桑的声音!是的,我没有声音了!基本上,我是喊着教书的!真是一代不如一代!

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

A Shit Day

Haiz, today was a black and unfortunate day to me. I even don't know how to describe how "black" I was today!

Today, I felt extremely tired and no mood! Today was my turn to drive, as I was arriving my college, I searched for parking lot. What a coincidence, I found a lot which was just straight front of the A gate. I felt happy with that and decided to park my car there! After the second attempt, I was disgusted and frustrated, I became impatient! During the third attempt, OMG! I crashed my car! As I was trying to do the side parking, I noticed that I couldn't fit my car in the lot, so I wanted to leave and find another lot. Unfortunately, I accidentally press accelerate paddle instead of the brake paddle! Shit!!! I crashed my car. There were a few scratches on my right both front and back doors!

Thing became bad as there were a number of colleagues who parked their motorcycles and a guard saw this incident! What should I do? I didn't know, I drove as fast as possible to the back of my college! I parked there! Luckily, the witnesses didn't find me! I was worried! I felt sorry to the car owner! If he or she manages to find me, I am willing to compensate him or her!

Walao, I am one of the "God of Car" among my friends and side parking isn't a difficult thing to me! It is as easy as ABC! However, why I failed this time? After the lunch, I slept at study room since I was very sleepy! Yup, I was truly sleepy! After sleeping lately and waking up early in the morning for two days, I was very tired! Imagine, after the half-an-hour sleep at study room, I still felt sleepy and tired. Even after I saw my beloved Princess going back as I wanted to head to lecture hall! Wow, normally, Princess is my energy boost! I will feel better whenever I see her! However, it doesn't work this time!

Friday, 3 April 2009

Let Go

Yesterday, I got the opportunity to have a lecture with my Princess. This was the first time for this semester! I really looked forward to it. However, I kept reminding myself that I shouldn't take this matter seriously! Yep, I tried to do it.

I thought I managed to do it but it became a reverie when my Princess got into the lecture hall. I couldn't control myself not to look at her! I noticed that her hair is truly long already. Frankly speaking, I prefer her to have last semester hair style than this one. However, it is nothing to me as it is her preference. I can't stop her to do that! No matter what she does, as long as it is legal, I will support her whole-heartedly!

During the lecture, I peered at her and I noticed that she was peering at me as well. At least, aL told me that she looked at our side once! This time, I was not that optimistic like last time. It was just a look, it meant nothing. Maybe she did it because she wanted to see me, or she wanted to know that who was peering at her, or perhaps she just wanted to know that am I okay?

Since the third rejection from her, I have changed my mind, I try my best to convince myself not to overly look seriously into her matters! Last time, the most frequent question I asked was "Had you had your dinner or lunch?". Do you know why I like to ask this question? This is because I am worried about her! Humans need to eat to survive, besides she depends on her friends to fetch her for dinner, so I am worried that she may get gastric! However, nowadays, I have never asked this kind of question anymore as I know that I need to let go before I suffer!

During half the way of the lecture, our lecturer Miss Ng Annie asked us that "what is the formula for gearing ratio? Debt over what?" I found that nobody answered her, so Anthony and I were so 默契, we scouted "is equity". Haha...everybody was staring at us and Miss Annie was smiling at us as well! Actually, I just wanted to attract my Princess's attention besides helping Miss Annie to answer this question to prevent 冷场!

At night, I read the newspaper, I found one interesting article regarding the zodiac! It stated that "谁恋爱常常失败", and Princess's zodiac was the first place. The explanation was as followed:"天秤座天生就喜欢不断地权衡,他们就喜欢一斤一两地去算。你给我一分,我还你一分。尤其是只要有过一次情伤之后,他们一定站在一个相对安全的位置。太理智,太冷静,冷得让人感觉不到他们的爱恨情仇。他们自己也很难享受到爱情中的乐趣,结果有时候爱情就在这种不放感情的平淡中渐渐冷却。"

This made me discovered that Princess was facing this situation as well. Maybe this is just my inference. If this is real, I just hope that Princess can let it go, there is no point for her to keep it inside and torture herself. I remembered that I had told her in which I am willing to help her to face this problem. I think it will be better if somebody is willing to assist you and be with you all the time. Unfortunately, my offer was rejected! It is okay.

In my opinion, we don't need to burden ourselves. We should let it go when the time arrives. In this case, Princess, Chuen and I is trying to let them go. However, there are a number of problems that others may face, so I just hope that everyone will let them go and live a happy life!

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

投降

今天凌晨,我又梦见Princess!但是,一切都是没有意义的!

昨天,我异常没心情的!连跟朋友们去打羽球也是一样!唉,这种情况甚至维持到现在!还记得上次我看Flame of Recca的漫画时,有一幕是Recca轻抚Princess的头的。当时,我真的觉得很幸福,因为我已把我和Princess当成是漫画里的男女主角!还有一幕是Princess吻Recca的!我甚至还憧憬着这一幕会发生在我的现实生活里!一切皆是幻影!这一幕根本不会发生,至少现在不会!

虽然我和Princess有一种难以言喻的默契,我们常穿情侣装!就好像最近一期的,我和Princess都是不约而同地同穿黑色衣服去考OHR。今天,aL及Kee告诉我,Princess又跟我穿情侣装,我们都是穿红色衣服!默契真是好得难以置信!不过,这一切都是没有用及毫无意义的!

郎有情,妹无意!继续纠缠下去,痛苦的只有我,甚至还会连累到Princess。这不是我的宗旨!记得我们刚认识时,我们的关系真是好得不得了!现在,留下的就只有回忆!我和Princess的第一次约会也将成为绝唱!我感觉到她对我的热情已经淡如水了!至少我不会再度收到她的forwarded messages与e-mails!从前,她会在出门去吃晚餐前于我们间的chat box里写"afk"或"bb"之类的字;现在呢?她会毫不犹豫地offline,连支会我一声都嫌麻烦!

爱一个人,并不是一定要拥有她。只要她幸福开心,我就满足了!与其让Princess觉得厌烦,倒不如现在就退出。至少,我们间的友情还可以继续,免得将来处处闪避及躲我!这只会增加她的痛苦!何必呢?

因此,我决定放弃了!我投降了!我不玩了!写到这里,心里不禁“酸”了起来!希望这一次会是最后一次吧!可惜是很可惜的,也感到无比的遗憾!但是,我爱莫能助!我并没有跟Princess一刀两断或绝交的意思,只是,我想,该是时候让我放下了吧!至于缘分,我相信它在我们间是存在的!Princess,我不会再烦妳了!如果,妳有任何难题,请别忘了我!我依然是妳的Ninja,无时无刻地守护着妳!不过,看见妳post给unknown friends的comments,我还是真替妳担心!妳真是太热情了!祝妳幸福!(这时,我才发现两行泪已经从我的眼袋里川行出来)

Thursday, 26 March 2009

Answerless

Today got OHR test, so I got the opportunity to meet my dearest Princess! I did it!

After the test, Anthony, Kee and me rush back as soon as possible since I wanted to on my personal computer so that I could chat with my Princess! She on her network around 6:45pm. Before she on, I didn't know why I would click to view her msn profile. What shocked me immediately was her newly uploaded picture! There is a male looks like hugging my Princess in the picture. Oh my god! I couldn't take it. I almost fainted!

When I saw my Princess on her msn, I chatted with her at once. I asked her about the test just now, she said she still okay with the test although she just did her revision for 3 hours! Then I asked her about the guy in her picture, luckily she said he is not her boy friend, the boy just stood behind him when the picture was taken! I felt relieving!

Suddenly, she asked me that what was I doing? I replied that I was chatting with her and I took up my guts, I asked her that might I chase her? She replied "har??? errrr". I was impatient that time, I asked her again "hw?". She said "err..........duno". When she replied me like this, I really happy since this meant that I got the chance! However, I wanted a clearer answer from her, I continued "haha, can or cannot?" She replied "y dun wan do fren?keke" This answer made me down again! I replied "erm, coz I cannot lie myself lo. I know I still love u, is very very love 1, so.........." She said "=.=,errr...." Silence for quite a moment! I gave her time to consider! After around 10 minutes, I wrote "errr........" This was with the purpose to urge her! Unfortunately, she off after that, she was out for dinner!

Erm, I think I know what her answer is! It is okay, I shall wait again!

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

振作

今早,我原本是很开心的,因为我梦见我的Princess。我想,可能是我太过担心她的缘故吧,因为昨晚下雨,Princess无法出外去吃晚餐,而我的毛遂自荐载她也遭遇她的拒绝,刚好这个星期她的同屋主又没有驾车来,而且她的饼干已经吃完了!唉,我想,等到雨停时,她也可以吃夜宵了吧,因为截至我睡觉时,雨还是没有停!

大概八点钟,我收到富贵的sms,他说他的哥哥刚过世!这么可能呢?他的哥哥顶多也是大我们十几岁,不过相信富贵也不会拿这个东西来开玩笑!这个消息把我的情绪给搞坏了,我变得很低落!我记得,富贵的爸爸去年中才刚刚去世,半年间,又第二宗,真是悲哀!根据思进告诉我的,他的哥哥是他们的经济支柱!现在,这么办呢?

富贵,你有任何事,就说吧,我办得到的一定帮你,不要客气!你要振作啊!

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Anything I Can Help?

Just now, I saw Princess online and she stated herself as away. This was extremely weird as Princess had never stated her as away, she was more likely to state herself as busy or online! Okay, I didn't disturb her!

After a while, I view my friend list in msn messenger. I saw her personal message. "Breathless"! Oh my god, what happens? I insisted to find her despite of her away status! I asked her that did she have problem? Anything I can help? She said no. After that, silence... Until 8 something, she left! I think she is out for dinner!

Erm, actually this was nothing but her personal message really worried me! I just hope that she will tell me or perhaps ask me for help whenever possible! Bear in mind, I will always be there to assist you, Princess!

What A Lucky Day

Yesterday, my team won the first prize in an English competition! My team consisted of Anthony, Willy, Elaine, Kelvin and me. Actually, when Willy invited me to join his team for this English competition organized by LDDS from my college, I was frightened because of my poor English standard! For your information, my English is a "limited company"!

Luckily, my team members were outstanding. Other than this, this competition was just taken part by 3 teams, therefore, it made us easier to win this competition! Elaine and Kelvin were English literated! They almost grabbed all the points for our team and I, so embarrassed, I was the opposite, I almost didn't commit anything to my team! This competition was divided into 3 parts, spelling bee, NIE and guessing the lyrics of 3 English songs!Finally, we won, we got 62 marks which was 4 marks more than the runner-up. The prize was a headset for each member!

I want to thank Willy for inviting me in his team even though my role was just to fulfill the quota, haha...

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