Still Okay

Last night, I received an sms from my Princess. I was glad about that even though it was just a forwarded message because this showed that Princess still considers me as her friend. For your information, I am scared of losing this friend.

Yesterday, I online. I clearly noticed that Princess was online as well during that time. She stated herself as busy, so I didn't disturb her and in fact, I had nothing to chat with her also. Just for a while, I found that she offline already. Then at night, I saw her online again but also just for a while, she disconnected. "Are these just a coincidence?" I asked myself! Since that, I prescribed that Princess was scared of my disturbance, she was trying to avoid me! Actually, you don't have to avoid me, I will disappear in your world. I won't annoy you anymore, Princess. Luckily I received her sms last night, then I eliminated my prescription! At least, she still knows me.

Last Thursday was a nightmare, I pounced the toilet doors for at least two times that day until I got bruise on my fist! After that, I gradually felt better! I tried my best not to miss her and forced myself not to find her and pretended nothing happen. I dissuaded myself not to care about her stuffs as well. I did it. That's why I am okay right now. I admit that sometimes, I would miss her accidentally but I managed to "pull" myself out of the dream!

The life without Princess is very lame! Bored life! Nevertheless, I can do anything I wish to do! I don't need to sustain my image, behave in gentleman manner and so on. I get my freedom back. I can tease many girls and even play with them. However, after the playing time, bored again! Thereupon, now is my time to focus on my study. I find that I am out of the track, I am behind the time! So, now is the time for me to chase the lost time back! Hopefully I can do it!

醒吧！

昨晚，我吃得很少，因为没有胃口，食物也乏味，世界是一片黑白的！我大概只睡了三个钟吧，就忍不住起床来写blog了。

辗转难眠了一整夜，心里是多么的空虚！以前，我做每一件事情，总是会以Princess为出发点，以她的利益为先，可以说是精心为她而设计的！现在，我不必再这么做了（虽然我很想），因为这份苦差，应该是属于她的boyfriend的！

为了Princess，我不惜牺牲睡眠时间，休息时间，心血，精神，学业。。。。。。但是，结果是怎样，我想大家应该也猜得到吧！值得吗？我不清楚，我只是知道这种东西是没得衡量的，是我自己心甘情愿的。当然，如果Princess点头的话，肯定是一笔再好不过的划算啦！

纵使我在听了Princess对她的boyfriend的感觉之后，我不赞成他们继续来往，不过既然这是她的选择，我只好尊重她，支持她！其实，我是正在“晒”大方，还是要让她得到教训，吃苦呢？我想两者应该都不是吧！一直以来，我从不敢做出伤害Princess的事，因为就像以前的posts所写的，我只要Princess快乐。只要她开心，我什么都ok的。因此，我之前所做的每一件事，为的只是要博红颜一笑！

昨晚，我给了我自己致命的一击！我不小心把我Multiply account里Princess的album给delete了!我把delete看成是edit!而且，我MP4里的照片都无法打开，真是祸不单行！这样一来，我连我们唯一的两张合照都没有了！我这次真是一无所有了！

现在，有两条路给我选--1）放弃。2）等！。要我放弃，我又放不下，我很舍不得！要我等，又浪费我的时间，届时只有吃干醋的份！所以，我应该选择哪条路呢？很矛盾！我记得大概是星期日的报章吧，有一篇很有意思的文章！“美国有一个德高望重的和尚，作者很荣幸，能够与他会谈。作者跟他聊起伤心事。和尚就叫作者拿着一桶水并把它举高，以这样的姿势继续与他交谈。过了几分钟，作者便觉得手酸了，于是下意识地把手放下。可是，和尚又叫他把手举高。又过了几分钟，作者忍无可忍了，和尚这时才叫他放下手。和尚说，手酸时，为什么你会放下手；但堆积在你心里的问题，烦恼等，为何又无法放下呢？”

我现在唯一能做的，就是祝福她与暗地里帮她。我不会再骚扰她，因为我不想留下坏印象，更不想拆散人家的姻缘，同时我也担心这样反而更让我放不下！很痛苦，泪不停地在心里流！就好比洪泉般的，一发不可收拾！更痛苦的是，我得在别人面前装作一副若无其事的样子！

现在，我终于明白为什么Princess总是不能答应我替她庆生的约会了。无所谓啦，我了解的！原本不惜血本，打算花费接近RM300的生日节目，现在已经化为乌有了！奇怪，可以省下一笔对我来说是不小的数目，我理应感到开心的呀！可是，事实并非如此！以前，我总会幻想或憧憬我跟Princess的美好时光，再从那里开始计划我们的未来。现在，看来都不必要了！哈林庾澄庆说得对，“计划赶不及变化”！

我需要时间。我需要时间来重新适应！没有Princess的日子，生活是如此的单调乏味，心灵也很空虚！可能，我应该回到自闭的状态，然后在那里找回我自己吧！

既然你已做出了选择，我只好接受。我只有三个要求：健康，快乐，幸福。只要你办到这三点，我会衷心地祝福妳！我不会再在第一时间出手帮你，因为这应该是你的boyfriend作的，我只会在最后一分钟才出手，届时希望不会太迟吧！我不会再出现在你的生活里，我会消失！最后，祝妳幸福，好运！

END

I think, it's the time to come to an end now or it's time for me to relief myself!

Just now, I on my Friendster account. As usual, I viewed my Princess's account. I noticed that she had created a new account. I added her in her new account. However, I also found a few newly created albums in her old account.

I was delighted that I could see my Princess's parents in her new album. However, I am sad to see one of the new album, namely Mr.公, I thought it should be "Mr.Husband". I clicked to view the pictures inside. I felt breathless since I saw Princess stuck her face to the boy! I couldn't take it! I felt helpless!

Then, I saw Princess online. I immediately chatted with her. I congratulated her for having a boyfriend already! She replied me "yup, got liao"! So, this was no more my prediction, it's a truth! My Princess is real for this time, she is having a boyfriend already! Her current boyfriend is her ex-boyfriend.

She said she always argues with him, she also doesn't know how long will they last! I acted as middle-man to persuade my Princess. I wish they can last long! Stupid, isn't it? But I really did it!

She said one time, her boyfriend hanged out with his ex-girlfriend but he told my Princess that he was sleeping during that time! My Princess was very angry upon this and I even can feel that my Princess is angry at him until now. She said she can't trust him! Then I persuaded her that her boyfriend might be don't want to let her misunderstanding him! I also asked my Princess to forgive him if this was the first time! Haiz, stupid Recca again! Maybe Princess's happiness is my aim or objective to 发奋 all the time!

So, Princess had forgiven him already but she still feels that she can't trust him and even hate him. Then I asked what is the purpose to recover with him. She answered me that maybe she can't forget him! If this is the reason, then you shouldn't regret, Princess! In the end of our conversation, I 祝福 my Princess!

I don't know what am I doing! I already feel extremely dull and moodless but I still want to act as middle-man to solve her problems! What happened to me? I am crazy! After that, I chatted with my Tai Tailo, he convinced me. Thanks a lot, Tai Tailo. I felt better after chatting with you.

So, I have to accept it now. There is no point for me to keep sticking myself or my life to Princess. I wish her all the best! 虽然我老早前就做足心理准备，但是为何我还会这么放不下？舍不得？舍不得也得舍得！这是事实，我得接受！好像“奖门人”曾志伟所说的，舍得，就是要“舍”才会“得”！但是，说得易，做又会如何呢？

从今以后，我不会主动致电给她，sms她，从msn找她。我会试着放下，忘记她！祝福我吧！希望我能尽早办到！希望痛苦难捱的日记尽快成为过去式吧！Princess, 我衷心地祝福妳! You are still my Princess. This title will not be entitled to anyone else in the future because it belongs to you! No one can get this title from me! I won't disturb you anymore. I will keep the cheerful memories in my mind and thanks for giving those memories. Call me whenever you have problem! I will help you. You can call me to share your things as well no matter they are sad things or happy things. Try to share with me as I am a good listener!

Lastly, I wish you all the best and good luck! Don't forget to take good care of yourself and be careful all the time!


-----------------------------end of the show-------------------------------

孤军作战

This morning, I lo and behold invited Anthony and Soo Chin to go to Lab with me because I wanted to check the name list of repeat student! Unfortunately, I found my Princess's name over there! Sucks!!! "Impossible" was the first thing that came to my mind!

I had never thought of the necessity to repeat her course to happen! It was almost impossible! I even still can't accept this truth until now! Impossible what! She just failed 3 subjects. Maybe she couldn't obtain at least 2.0 for her CGPA. Haiz...

After I knew this news, many things came across my mind. I met Chun Kuan in DKB during my Business Law lecture. He is also a repeat student, therefore I asked him something about the repeat course. He let me saw his time table as well. He said, college offered him to take 3 subjects during this semester, but he is not attending lecture or tutorial with the freshmen, instead, college organised a special class for them. That means, my Princess is also there. Yup, he saw her in his class too. He said that he saw my Princess in Microeconomics class but this couldn't be since Princess had passed this subject, the subjects that she still fails are Macroeconomics, Principles of Finance and Organisation and Human Resource. He argued with me and said that my Princess is bluffing me. However, I don't believe him, instead, I strongly believe my Princess. For your information, nothing is more important than my Princess!

Actually, I should know this news earlier as I found something weird via my conversation with Princess. So stupid! Why I didn't discover or observe this! Stupid fool, Recca! Princess should be frank and candid to me, she doesn't need to conceal it! You think that I will laugh at you? Or you think that I will despise you? Impossible, Princess! If I despise you in contempt, I am no longer the Recca Loh who loves you so much!

If Princess successfully pass all the repeated subjects within this semester, I may be no longer seen my beloved Princess in college anymore. This is because she wouldn't have to come to college in the next 2 semesters since she has to follow the schedule of freshmen of this year. Thereupon, she has to wait or perhaps doing a part-time job during these two semesters until next year! Then, my plan to celebrate her nineteenth birthday or the second date which I had planned will no longer be held!

Then, I won't have the opportunity to attend the convocation ceremony with her! I have to pursue my study alone! I have to face the challenges singlehandedly! Doing all the things by myself! However, Princess, you are not alone. If you can feel it, you will find that my heart is with you. My concern is with you too. So, you are not alone!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just finish chatting with my Princess via msn. Many questions and worries had been solved!

Do you know the feeling after failing to chat with my Princess for 2 weeks? I also don't know how to describe it! I just know that I am relaxing and exciting now! Furthermore, I knew that Princess lied me, I clearly remembered that she told me that she just failed Business Statistics in semester 1, but now I know that she has 5 failed subjects--Microeconomics, Macroeconomics, Business Information Technology and Application, Principles of Finance, and Organisation and Human Resource. However, I am not angry at her, instead, I am happy since she is candid to me! Thanks, Princess.

Last week, I heard a scary news from 铭仔. He told me that his housemate who is very close to my Princess told him that my Princess has a boyfriend already. Wa, the sky seemed gloomy after I heard this news and my blood pressure increased even though I have already been ready for this（心理准备）! But Princess stressed again that she used to have but she is temporarily single now!

Besides, I offer a date to my Princess on her birthday {S2(a)CA} but I am worried that her friends may be coming to Penang from Bukit Mertajam to celebrate birthday with her. She also told me that her friends would come without informing her, they want to give her a surprise, therefore, she can't accept my offer! Then, I change the day of the date, which is the day before her birthday {counter offer--Hyde v Wrench}! She temporarily accept {S2(b)CA} but I know that there are still variables to change! At least, I get her acceptance now! The communication of proposal and acceptance are completed {S4(1)CA} and {S4(2)(b)} respectively! ( Sorry for writing the law sections in this passage as I am going to read this soon)

So, she will take 2 subjects for this semester, 1 subject for next semester and 2 subjects for the third semester. However, she will take the resit paper for Principles of Finance in this semester. Good luck to you, Princess! If you have problems or difficulties on these subjects, please feel free to ask or call me! Don't forget, you are not alone!

Happy or Sad?

Should I happy or sad?

This afternoon, we found Ms.Karamjit to ask something about our assignment after our Management Accounting of Fundamental's tutorial ended. Therefore, we headed to S.O.T. block at around 3:10p.m..

What shocked me was I found my Princess at the downstairs of S.O.T. block! She was wearing a pink shirt, haha, it was not a couple wear with me again since I don't have a pink shirt. She was chatting happily with her friend who I didn't sure that whether she is same age with us or not! As usual, her cousin was standing and waiting at the side. This was my first time to see her cousin!

I slowed down my footsteps with the intention to attract my Princess's attention, somehow, she couldn't see me even though I looked directly at her when I passed in front of her! She smiled, laughed and chatted with her friend without being aware of what was going on around there!

For the nonce, I know she is happy and gets new friends! However, why she didn't look at me? She didn't notice me or she purposely didn't want to look at me? Princess, even a wink or a smile will make me feel better but...Arr...

Contradictory

Haiz, the "uncureable" disease intrudes me again! I am fed up!

I have not chatted with my Princess for 2 weeks already! Thus, I don't know what happened to her recently and I start to think negatively! Thing becomes worse especially I can't meet her in class! These two weeks, I found most of her friends or her gang particularly joint my MIS lecture but I couldn't find her! So, where was she?

Then, I start to worry! Does she need to repeat her course as she failed to obtain at least 2.0 for her CGPA? Or, she changes her course? Or, she has quarreled with her gang? One thing weird is I even can't see her cousin! Therefore, what happens to them?

Yes, I said to Princess and my friends before that I am happy as long as Princess is happy! However, this doesn't happen now! Sorry Princess, I really can't make it! If I know your recent news, I believe that I can make it but now the truth is the opposite! I can't hear anything from you!

Please don't forget, I'm still waiting for you! My phone is still on 24-hour for you! Please don't hesitate to call me whenever you have problem or even when you want to find someone to chat!

I want to call my Princess but I don't want to disturb her! So contradicting! What should I do now? Princess, are you okay?

R.I.P.

Last night, I received a call from Marcus at 11:04p.m.. I was sleeping during that time but I still woke up to answer the call. I guess you all know why I did so. Yup, it was because I was worried that the call was from my Princess or others for emergency purpose.

Marcus told me that our friend--洪志腾had just passed away. Oh my condolence! When Marcus told me this, I couldn't figure out who the fellow was! He said he was from Drama Society in Chung Ling High School! However, I still couldn't remember him! Marcus didn't know why he would die so suddenly, he just told me that 志腾 was very weak and usually had diseases with him all the time. He might probably die due to his illnesses! Then, I asked Marcus that would he attend 志腾's funeral because I would like to join. However, Marcus still didn't know where his funeral would be held!

After ending the call, I cleared my mind. I suddenly came across an image! Yes, it was him! I knew who was 志腾 already! He was a former CLHS student, that meant he was my senior! I first saw him at the basketball court in CLHS. He was lying lazily on the ground during that time and I noticed he had a bandage at his neck! I could see him since Tan Keh Ee was inviting and persuading me to join his drama group. I still remember that I was in F4 during that time!

He was a fat guy. We all very respect him and we gave a funny nickname to him--T.C.Boy. This was because he looked similar to T.C.Boy when he wore a cap and raised his thumb! He could be said to be my friend as well as my coach or teacher! I still remembered that I agreed to join TKE's drama group, that meant I been an actor under TKE and participated the drama competition--“享受舞台ing”. Our drama's title was “哈啰”!

He was the teacher advisor of Drama Society. Nevertheless, he was very closed to the members, including a non-member like me! I am very glad to know him! He was awesome as I often saw him to give advices and teach acting skills and even alter the script whenever we were practising. He taught me lots of things as well. Finally, we won the first prize! He was so dedicated even though he had to work!

According to Marcus, he was a special guy. He was born at 阴年，阴月，阴日，阴时! For your information, this kind of people is very seldom to be met! In the other words, they have the ability to communicate with the "friends" from 灵界! It is true! I don't bluff you all! I still remembered that Marcus had told me once. He said one day, 志腾 and they went to Gurney Plazza, 志腾 and Marcus, both also had 阴阳眼, saw many "friends" over there, especially at the game side. One of the "friends" followed 志腾 back by sitting at the back of his car. He didn't scare and tell anyone, he started to negotiate with the "friend" only after finish fetching them back to their respective houses! Marcus also told me that sometimes, he would talk to himself（自言自语） but this was not the truth, in fact, he was talking to "friends"! Besides, the "friends" can attach to his body（上身）easily! Therefore, many "friends" asked him to do something for them.

May be because of this unique ability, his body became weak since he was born and fortune teller said that this kind of people wouldn't stay long. Now, he is leaving at the age of 30s. Yes, it is a regret and unfair for the God to bring him back. However, it might be he had finished his duty in the real world and now is the time for him to live peacefully with the God on heaven! This was what I told myself as well when Beatrice Xu passed away in 2007.

I wish you living peacefully and happily on heaven. Thanks for your advices and I won't forget them. R.I.P..

见到了

今天，我终于见到了我的Princess。不过，我不肯定一定是她！为什么呢？哈哈，因为我只看到她的背影！早上时，我还诉苦说，不知这个星期能否有那个缘遇见Princess，怎知，中午缘就来了！

事情的经过是这样的：我跟我的朋友们一起去食堂用餐。用毕，我们就朝study room走去。这时，我发现就在我们前方的三个女生，有一个很面熟！她们走在我们的前方，因此我只看到她的背影。多么熟悉的背影呀！她又跟我穿情侣装，黑色上衣，白色的短裤，还穿了一贯的拖鞋，发色是橘色的，拿了一个白色或米色的大包包。我甚至连她的侧脸都看不见，因此，我不大肯定在我眼前的就是Princess！我们走呀走的，我看见她朝盛水机那儿走去，我想她是要盛水吧！这时，思进也说要装水，所以，我加快脚步，看看是否她就是我的Princess。很可惜，事与愿违！我到那儿时，她已离开了。她朝Lab或DK那儿走去，大概是去上课吧！

为何我会认为她是Princess呢？是我眼花吗？还是我精神错乱？都不是，我当时很清醒，很理智！一路上，我都渴望她会回头看，好让我认定嘛。可惜并不成功！因此，我就从她走路的姿势以及平时的动作来判断，断定她就是我朝思暮想的Princess！对，我肯定我并不会错的！

到了study room，看见奕骏，就问他为何没有去上课，因为他是跟我的Princess同lecture时间的。他说他当时没课，那就意味着刚才Princess并不是去上课咯！据我所知的，今天并没有补课呀！而且，我们并没有到lab上课的需要呀！那，Princess是去哪儿呢？我很彷徨！不过，没关系啦，至少我可以肯定Princess并没有逃学，她有来上课。而且，经过了两个星期，我终于见到了Princess。

Princess，加油！

Sorry

I think I have irritated my beloved Princess! Thereupon, I hereby would like to say sorry to her and hope that she would forgive me!

I know that she hates me talking about study! This is because she would ignore me whenever I want to discuss about her study or say something related to study! However, this is for your own good. Okay, if you don't like this topic, I will change!

I promise I will change but please don't ignore me as this is rather cruel to me and more than killing me! However, I will remind you about your study when the examination is approaching!

Sorry Princess, I won't do that again! Cheers ^.^

What's Wrong with Me?

This week is the second week after the commencement of my new semester in TARc. However, I really can't stand the schedule! It is very hectic! I felt extremely tired after I go back from college! Imagine, my brain can't operate. This gives me a reason to dissuade myself not to study or do revision.

I had tried to do revision, at least highlight the points but I really can't make it! I am very tired! Tired physically and mentally! What's wrong with me? God, please save me!