No Feel

Just now, I dated my primary school's friend. We went to watch "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" at GSC, Gurney.

Before that, some of my friends wished me good luck and looked forward to calling her "Ah Sou". Haha, unfortunately, I couldn't make it, sorry for disappointing you! I had tried before but I truly couldn't make it!

When we were in the cinema, I was still thinking and missing my Princess! I wondered how beautiful the scene would be if the one sitting beside me was my beloved Princess! I know that she is having a boyfriend right now but I still love her! However, I will love her in a wisely manner now.

I was not happy on the ending since Professor Dumbledore died in the end of the show! He was killed by Snape whom he was strongly believing and relying on! After the movie, we went for dinner and during that time, she was inviting her friends to join our dinner! Fine, it was okay to me. After the dinner, we walked around and I met Si En. I thought, she would misunderstand something!

I had no other feelings throughout the night. I know that I still fall in love with Princess! Is the God playing a fool with me?

Endless

Today, I went to Redbox with my friends after the lecture. This was my third time been there. It was quite fun over there and this was also the first time which I sang the most! I still remembered that last two Friday, I suddenly asked Anthony to call Li Xian out to Redbox on our way to jetty as we passed through PTPL College. Then, Princess asked me that whether I know how to sing? I replied, "If I am good in singing, I has joint the Malaysian Singing Talent Competition already. Being a singer is better than being an accountant!" She smiled.

I have never failed to miss my Princess whenever I was in Redbox. There was no exception for this time! I also didn't know why I would miss my Princess over there. It might be due to the lyrics. I missed her again but just for a short while, about 1 minute!

Why I will miss her? I just know that I want to listen to her voice and even see her right now! However, I can't make it! I miss her so much now! I will keep reminding myself and telling myself that Princess has a boyfriend whom she loves so much already, please stop missing her again! I really do it but it seems like it doesn't work right now!

I know that I still love her, I even love her more than loving myself! She is the most important to me and I am willing to do anything for her! There was a time that I successfully concealed my love towards her and I truly felt nothing about her stuffs. It just liked I concealed it in a crystal ball. Nonetheless, the crystal ball seems to have leakage and my feeling and love towards my Princess gradually come out without pausing to a halt!

I almost watch “溏心风暴” everyday. I found that Princess and I look alike with 常在心 and 得得地. She forgives her boyfriend again and again, loves him wholeheartedly and treating him as her most important whereas I am the one who sacrifice, upset and contribute secretly. However, the relationship between them is better than ours. At least, she will remember him in time of trouble!

I don't bother that what am I feeling! I just care about my Princess's feeling! I will satisfy and relief as long as Princess meets the three requirements-- 平安，幸福，快乐.

So Bad

It was so bad. I received my Management Accounting Fundamental's test paper this afternoon. I was shocked that I just managed to get 35 marks out of 50! "Incredible"! What was ridiculous was, I scored full marks for subjective questions but I had 6 wrongs in objective questions!

It might be I overlooked the paper or overestimated my capacity or I am blurred in this subject! I admit that I was negligent in doing some of the questions. Nonetheless, 2.5 marks for each objective question had killed me! No choice, I have to start from zero. There is no time to be wasted as the final exam is approaching! May God bless me? I hope so...

Durian

As usual, I visited my grandpa today. As usual again, he urged me to eat his durians again! Haiz... No choice, I had to follow as well since he would take some durians for me and open them even though I had indicate my refusal or asked him not to take them to me. I didn't mean to hurt him but this few years, I had no the "passion" to eat durians. In fact, I didn't dislike to eat as well. Just... I also don't know how to explain, just no mood to enjoy!

Grandpa told me that he started to eat his durians since last week. Actually, he could enjoy his durians long time ago but he was scared that eating durians would "burden" his disgestive system which would further affect his health! That was one of the reasons why I always follow his instruction to eat his durians. I just eat on behalf of him! Haha... This is because he enjoy seeing me eating his durians! Yep, this is real! If I praise his self-plant durians or eat with satisfactory, he will be happy!

It is okay, no matter how many durians you bring to me, I will consume them as long as they are delicious!

Shock

This afternoon, I received an sms from Princess after having my lunch. She asked me that whether I was free? She was at jetty and couldn't find a bus to college! I decided to fetch Princess even though I was having a lecture class.

Before I started my car's engine, I called my Princess. She said she was in a bus already but she didn't know where would the bus head! Oh my God! So brave! She said it might stop at Gurney so I decided to wait her at Gurney Plaza.

When I arrived at Gurney Plaza's bus stop, I called her again. She said the bus would stop at KOMTAR, so I asked her to wait me at KOMTAR. I headed to KOMTAR as fast as possible. The road was jammed like shit! When I arrived at KOMTAR, it was already two o'clock but Princess would be having a class at 2:30p.m.. She said that she would wait for me in front of Maybank. When I arrived, I called her. I saw her eating a cup of ice-cream and she seemed didn't know that I had arrived. I waived my hand and she found me. Finally, she got into my car!

We chatted a lot of things on the way to college. I knew that she was still not recovered and not having her lunch yet. So, I offered to have lunch with her. She rejected as she didn't want to delay my time for class. Besides, I blamed that she shoudn't get back and come to Penang singlehandedly as this is very dangerous but she told me that she used to be the black tie in tae-kwan-do. When we almost arrived at her hostel, I said I would like to buy her medicine at Guardian. She rejected and kept saying that she had medicine in her house. Then I offered to have lunch with her and she agreed. We were eating Asam Laksa at Chew City Cafe at 2:30p.m.. She managed to eat a big bowl of Asam Laksa while I just ate a small bowl one as I had already had my lunch. After finishing our Asam Laksa, she wanted to pay for me but I blocked her way and paid to the "tauke". Luckily, the "tauke" took the RM50 note from me. A guy behind us smiled when seeing I kept blocking Princess's hand to pay.

Then, I fetched her back to college and she changed her shirt into a black one. I teased her that she wanted to have couple wear with me! When we arrived at college, it was already 3 o'clock! She was late. I followed her to her class and went to my class after ensuring that she had entered into her class.

My MIS tutorial ended one hour earlier and thus, I could fetch my Princess and her cousin to jetty earlier. When I arrived at her hostel, I called her. She got down after 5 minutes. We chatted a lot along the way to jetty and I knew her cousin's name is Chee Weng or Chin Weng. When we reached at jetty, I asked her to take good care of herself and be careful all the way!

I know that my feeling will gradually come back and I believed that there will be a sad time again. However, it is okay la! As a friend, I should help her. As a servant of my Princess, I must help her!In fact, I am happy that I could help her. I am also delighted that Princess found me in time of trouble even if I was not the first one whom she called for help!

Anniversary

Yoyo, today is the first anniversary for my blog, which means that my blog has been one year old! During this first year, thanks everybody for reading my blog and leaving comments.

Nonetheless, I would like to apologize for not updating my blog frequently. I promise that I will write a new post whenever I have an idea or incident happening. I also believe that some of my readers might feel bored for reading Princess's story. Haha, I think Princess's story won't appear in my blog so frequently anymore unless "something" happens! If you are my follower, you will notice that I will use pink text colour for Princess's story, and others just according to my mood during that time.

Hehe, so now is the first anniversary, and I believe that there are many many more anniversaries to come. Let's look forward to it!

Are You Okay?

Just now, I online. What shocked me immediately was I saw my Princess's personal message. She wrote "i'm SICK!!!!!". I couldn't stop myself, I clicked to chat with her at once even if she stated herself as away! I was so worried about her! My blood pressure went up and my palms became cold!

After 5 minutes, she replied me. She said that she is sick but she didn't consult a doctor. She just ate some medicines. She said that her disease is not so serious. Then, I asked her to take good care of herself. After a while, she said that she had bad mood and almost cried.

This worried me even more. She told me that she had some bad news relating to herself. I asked her to share with me as I am a good listener. Furthermore, she is my Princess, I need to help her out of trouble! However, she didn't tell me what was happening, she just said that she would tell me next time since she was not sure about the accuracy of the bad news yet! I could do nothing, I just asked her to cheer up and I told her that I just want her to be happy. I reminded her again that she can share whatever things with me. She kept thanking for my concern. Actually, you don't have to thank me since you are my Princess!

Nevertheless, what happened to her now? I started to worry! In fact, her silence even worries me more! Is the news related to her boyfriend, her disease or others? No matter what kind of bad news is, I am always be there to face it or even overcome it with you, Princess. You are not alone!

Still Okay

Last night, I received an sms from my Princess. I was glad about that even though it was just a forwarded message because this showed that Princess still considers me as her friend. For your information, I am scared of losing this friend.

Yesterday, I online. I clearly noticed that Princess was online as well during that time. She stated herself as busy, so I didn't disturb her and in fact, I had nothing to chat with her also. Just for a while, I found that she offline already. Then at night, I saw her online again but also just for a while, she disconnected. "Are these just a coincidence?" I asked myself! Since that, I prescribed that Princess was scared of my disturbance, she was trying to avoid me! Actually, you don't have to avoid me, I will disappear in your world. I won't annoy you anymore, Princess. Luckily I received her sms last night, then I eliminated my prescription! At least, she still knows me.

Last Thursday was a nightmare, I pounced the toilet doors for at least two times that day until I got bruise on my fist! After that, I gradually felt better! I tried my best not to miss her and forced myself not to find her and pretended nothing happen. I dissuaded myself not to care about her stuffs as well. I did it. That's why I am okay right now. I admit that sometimes, I would miss her accidentally but I managed to "pull" myself out of the dream!

The life without Princess is very lame! Bored life! Nevertheless, I can do anything I wish to do! I don't need to sustain my image, behave in gentleman manner and so on. I get my freedom back. I can tease many girls and even play with them. However, after the playing time, bored again! Thereupon, now is my time to focus on my study. I find that I am out of the track, I am behind the time! So, now is the time for me to chase the lost time back! Hopefully I can do it!

醒吧！

昨晚，我吃得很少，因为没有胃口，食物也乏味，世界是一片黑白的！我大概只睡了三个钟吧，就忍不住起床来写blog了。

辗转难眠了一整夜，心里是多么的空虚！以前，我做每一件事情，总是会以Princess为出发点，以她的利益为先，可以说是精心为她而设计的！现在，我不必再这么做了（虽然我很想），因为这份苦差，应该是属于她的boyfriend的！

为了Princess，我不惜牺牲睡眠时间，休息时间，心血，精神，学业。。。。。。但是，结果是怎样，我想大家应该也猜得到吧！值得吗？我不清楚，我只是知道这种东西是没得衡量的，是我自己心甘情愿的。当然，如果Princess点头的话，肯定是一笔再好不过的划算啦！

纵使我在听了Princess对她的boyfriend的感觉之后，我不赞成他们继续来往，不过既然这是她的选择，我只好尊重她，支持她！其实，我是正在“晒”大方，还是要让她得到教训，吃苦呢？我想两者应该都不是吧！一直以来，我从不敢做出伤害Princess的事，因为就像以前的posts所写的，我只要Princess快乐。只要她开心，我什么都ok的。因此，我之前所做的每一件事，为的只是要博红颜一笑！

昨晚，我给了我自己致命的一击！我不小心把我Multiply account里Princess的album给delete了!我把delete看成是edit!而且，我MP4里的照片都无法打开，真是祸不单行！这样一来，我连我们唯一的两张合照都没有了！我这次真是一无所有了！

现在，有两条路给我选--1）放弃。2）等！。要我放弃，我又放不下，我很舍不得！要我等，又浪费我的时间，届时只有吃干醋的份！所以，我应该选择哪条路呢？很矛盾！我记得大概是星期日的报章吧，有一篇很有意思的文章！“美国有一个德高望重的和尚，作者很荣幸，能够与他会谈。作者跟他聊起伤心事。和尚就叫作者拿着一桶水并把它举高，以这样的姿势继续与他交谈。过了几分钟，作者便觉得手酸了，于是下意识地把手放下。可是，和尚又叫他把手举高。又过了几分钟，作者忍无可忍了，和尚这时才叫他放下手。和尚说，手酸时，为什么你会放下手；但堆积在你心里的问题，烦恼等，为何又无法放下呢？”

我现在唯一能做的，就是祝福她与暗地里帮她。我不会再骚扰她，因为我不想留下坏印象，更不想拆散人家的姻缘，同时我也担心这样反而更让我放不下！很痛苦，泪不停地在心里流！就好比洪泉般的，一发不可收拾！更痛苦的是，我得在别人面前装作一副若无其事的样子！

现在，我终于明白为什么Princess总是不能答应我替她庆生的约会了。无所谓啦，我了解的！原本不惜血本，打算花费接近RM300的生日节目，现在已经化为乌有了！奇怪，可以省下一笔对我来说是不小的数目，我理应感到开心的呀！可是，事实并非如此！以前，我总会幻想或憧憬我跟Princess的美好时光，再从那里开始计划我们的未来。现在，看来都不必要了！哈林庾澄庆说得对，“计划赶不及变化”！

我需要时间。我需要时间来重新适应！没有Princess的日子，生活是如此的单调乏味，心灵也很空虚！可能，我应该回到自闭的状态，然后在那里找回我自己吧！

既然你已做出了选择，我只好接受。我只有三个要求：健康，快乐，幸福。只要你办到这三点，我会衷心地祝福妳！我不会再在第一时间出手帮你，因为这应该是你的boyfriend作的，我只会在最后一分钟才出手，届时希望不会太迟吧！我不会再出现在你的生活里，我会消失！最后，祝妳幸福，好运！

END

I think, it's the time to come to an end now or it's time for me to relief myself!

Just now, I on my Friendster account. As usual, I viewed my Princess's account. I noticed that she had created a new account. I added her in her new account. However, I also found a few newly created albums in her old account.

I was delighted that I could see my Princess's parents in her new album. However, I am sad to see one of the new album, namely Mr.公, I thought it should be "Mr.Husband". I clicked to view the pictures inside. I felt breathless since I saw Princess stuck her face to the boy! I couldn't take it! I felt helpless!

Then, I saw Princess online. I immediately chatted with her. I congratulated her for having a boyfriend already! She replied me "yup, got liao"! So, this was no more my prediction, it's a truth! My Princess is real for this time, she is having a boyfriend already! Her current boyfriend is her ex-boyfriend.

She said she always argues with him, she also doesn't know how long will they last! I acted as middle-man to persuade my Princess. I wish they can last long! Stupid, isn't it? But I really did it!

She said one time, her boyfriend hanged out with his ex-girlfriend but he told my Princess that he was sleeping during that time! My Princess was very angry upon this and I even can feel that my Princess is angry at him until now. She said she can't trust him! Then I persuaded her that her boyfriend might be don't want to let her misunderstanding him! I also asked my Princess to forgive him if this was the first time! Haiz, stupid Recca again! Maybe Princess's happiness is my aim or objective to 发奋 all the time!

So, Princess had forgiven him already but she still feels that she can't trust him and even hate him. Then I asked what is the purpose to recover with him. She answered me that maybe she can't forget him! If this is the reason, then you shouldn't regret, Princess! In the end of our conversation, I 祝福 my Princess!

I don't know what am I doing! I already feel extremely dull and moodless but I still want to act as middle-man to solve her problems! What happened to me? I am crazy! After that, I chatted with my Tai Tailo, he convinced me. Thanks a lot, Tai Tailo. I felt better after chatting with you.

So, I have to accept it now. There is no point for me to keep sticking myself or my life to Princess. I wish her all the best! 虽然我老早前就做足心理准备，但是为何我还会这么放不下？舍不得？舍不得也得舍得！这是事实，我得接受！好像“奖门人”曾志伟所说的，舍得，就是要“舍”才会“得”！但是，说得易，做又会如何呢？

从今以后，我不会主动致电给她，sms她，从msn找她。我会试着放下，忘记她！祝福我吧！希望我能尽早办到！希望痛苦难捱的日记尽快成为过去式吧！Princess, 我衷心地祝福妳! You are still my Princess. This title will not be entitled to anyone else in the future because it belongs to you! No one can get this title from me! I won't disturb you anymore. I will keep the cheerful memories in my mind and thanks for giving those memories. Call me whenever you have problem! I will help you. You can call me to share your things as well no matter they are sad things or happy things. Try to share with me as I am a good listener!

Lastly, I wish you all the best and good luck! Don't forget to take good care of yourself and be careful all the time!


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